Dear 2010 Me

As part of the Rethink Your Shrink challenge over at The Shrinking Jeans, we were asked to compose a letter to our 2010 selves from our 2011 selves letting us know what we did in 2010. This proved to be a rather difficult assignment! But here goes my attempt at a letter to myself.

Dear 2010 me,

At the beginning of 2010, you had already come so far with your transformation to your new healthy self. You had already managed to shed more than 90 lbs! That in itself was utterly fantastic! You always doubt that you will be able to do something that seems difficult and you keep proving over and over to yourself that you can do it! In 2010, you start to actually believe that you can do anything you put your mind to which in turn sees you signing up for a charity run in the fall. I know I never thought I would be a runner, ever and here you do it in 2010!

Speaking of believing in yourself, I think you believe in yourself more than you thought you did even earlier in the year. Look at how you started wearing your clothes more fitted and how you were more interested in actually having more than just "mom" hair.

Even though Adam was such a skeptic when you first started your weight loss journey, look at how far you have influenced him to come with healthy eating and even exercise! The girls may not be able to express how proud they are of you, but you can see it in how they always want to exercise with you and love it when you go for walks with them. I know you have influenced them (and others that come in contact with you!) for the rest of their lives to be healthy and active!

You strived to eat more healthy and you did by cooking at home more often, with vegetables you grew in your own garden! You were not afraid to try anything even though you will never have (_________) again! Yuck! LOL You even ventured to cook ahead to help with planning your meals ahead of time. Adam even helps to plan meals with you, taking off a bit of stress from you!

I am so proud of how you grow into the person I am today in 2011. While occasionally we struggled financially as a family, we were able to work through it and it even brought the family as a whole closer together. Natalia is growing into a wonderful little girl in her own way and just loves grade one. Anya bolts from you as soon as you get her out of the car for preschool since she finally has a chance to play with kids her own age. They are both growing into their own little personalities! And you are finally getting a chance to do things for yourself and I hope you never look back!

I had better go now. My calendar is chock full of volunteering for both schools, volunteering for PAIL, running a scrapbooking group, crafting, and exercising. Who has time to eat??!

Keep doing what you are doing because you rock!

2011 me

Shame on Me!

Can I hang my head in shame now or later? No, its not what you are all thinking. I didn't see a gain on the scale this week but I am rather lax on posting anything here for some time. I really don't have a good excuse. I had a new little girl (11 months old) start in my care last week and she leaves me mentally exhausted at the end of the night so all I end up doing is vegging in front of the tv. And now I am like a week behind in my assignments for The Shrinking Jeans and I feel horrible.
But, I will do them.... eventually LOL

I weighed in on Wednesday morning and was down another 1.6 lbs for a grand total of 94 lbs lost! By the time I am at my goal weight, I will be half the person I was!! OMG! How the hell did I let myself get like that?! I cringe every time I see pictures of myself at that weight. I am embarrassed that I had allowed myself to get to that weight!

But, that is in the past and I am going to let it go. I notice that I am becoming more confident and more self assured in myself. I am wearing more fitted clothes than I used to. I am seeing and feeling bones I have not seen or felt for a long time. My wedding rings (that I could not wear for for 7 years from pregnancy and gaining weight) are almost too big now. I have kept a pair of jeans I was wearing when I started my weight loss journey. Size 32 or a 5X and now, I have some tops I can wear that are L or XL. A size I saw a very, very long time ago! I am so excited for the clothing options that will soon be available for me to even just try on! I can't wait until I can go into just about any store to try on clothes! That is what I am looking forward to now!


Weigh In Ramblings....

Another week has gone by and this morning was weigh in. I really don't know why I am always so nervous. Likely because I am always afraid of gaining (failing) even though my track record so far has been pretty good. I've only gained 3 times since starting my journey and at that it was less than 2 pounds. I step up on the scale thinking light thoughts and low and behold, I've lost 4.6 lbs!! Nothing like starting the new year off RIIIIIGHT! I am now at a grand total of 91.6 lbs gone! I still don't know how exactly I did it other than I drank my water, tracked and exercised like I should be. I am now only 8.4 lbs away from hitting 100 lbs gone! I honestly can NOT wait!! I haven't been this size since (I want to say grade 8) I don't know when! I found some clothes the other night that I had put away as keepsakes from grade 8 and they were an XL. The size I am heading into now. I also received a care package from my mom yesterday and she had put in a winter jacket I wore in high school. Size L and it fit me! Not too sure how much I would actually wear it since it SCREAMS 90's LOL but it might do me until the jacket my friend gave me fits. My current winter jacket is so big, I can almost wrap the jacket around me twice! LOL Thank goodness for consignment stores!

I have gotten rid of all the clothes that don't fit me (read huge) and now am working on the stuff I bought during the summer that now are getting to be too big. The exception are one pair of jeans. The jeans I was wearing when I started Weight Watchers in April.
This picture isn't too current as it was about 15 lbs ago but you can already still see the difference. Next picture will be when I hit the 100 lbs lost mark.
Now I am off to plan our meals for the next couple of days. And I also need to plan my wall of motivation!

Project Me

I have been overweight my whole life although never to the extent I was when I started my Weight Watchers journey. I don't know if it was my bubbly personality or because I grew up in a small town, but I never was teased or picked on because of my weight. So, growing up, it only bothered me a fraction of the time and likely why my weight ended up so out of control. I always had a steady boyfriend and even was quite active on sports teams when I was younger.
When I met my husband, I still didn't see a complete problem with my weight. He loved me as I was and I was content with that. Or rather, 95% of my thoughts was happy with that. I did wish I was smaller especially as my weight started to creep up.
I, like so many women, only got more overweight once I had children. 3 babies in 3 years did it in for me although, that was not my rock bottom.

Not the clearest picture but you can sort of see me at my highest weight here. This was taken September 2008 but I didn't start WW until April 2009.

My rock bottom occured after our first baby was stillborn at 39 weeks. At the follow up exam with our doctor with the final results of his autopsy, we got a copy of the report and the first line read ...." to a morbidly obese 30 year old woman." But, do you think that would kick my ass into gear enough to do something about my weight? Not exactly. Through my next two pregnancies, I gained very little weight. So in a sense, it did but not enough for me to do anything more than that. But, this is in the past now, and I am on my way to losing all the weight.
What didn't work for me.
I am an emotional eater AND I am a boredom eater. I need to learn to channel my boredom and emotions into different avenues to get me out of the fridge and away from mindless snacking.
Because I have been big all my life so I am very negative with myself. I need to learn to change the way I think about myself and make it positive.
I had support from friends until before Christmas. One made lifetime, the other quit (she was not a good support system anyhow). And while the friend that has made lifetime is supportive, it isn't the same since she is now maintaining and not aiming to lose anymore. I am proud that she has made lifetime but I am still a ways from my goal.
Planning meals the day they are to happen. I believe I will be more successful if I start planning meals ahead of time, allowing me to keep better control of my points.
Water, water, water!

What has worked for me.

The whole Weight Watchers program has worked for me when I do follow it. Eating properly and eating the right portions.
Exercise definitely has worked for me. I was a couch potato last spring and now I crave exercise.
Trying new foods I was afraid to try before. I am constantly on the lookout for new foods and recipes to try. I am no longer afraid to try something, even just once.
Doing challenges I find both from my meetings and online have helped to hold me accountable. And it is a fantastic support system, something that seems to be seriously lacking for me!
Obviously, something is working since I have lost 87 lbs in 9 months!

What I am wanting to get from this challenge
Track more consistantly at least 5 days a week but ideally 7 days a week.
Exercise at least 5 days a week, a minimum of 30 minutes. Eventually, I want to add in strength training as well.
Drink a minimum of 6 cups of water a day.
Find alternate means of support

Can I also say that it completely sucks to try and eat healthy when you are financially broke all the time?!

Wednesday Weigh In

Weigh in was this morning. Is it just me or do others always fret when it comes to weigh in's?! I didn't have a bad week but I didn't have a stellar week either so my nerves started to play their game.
What the hell was I so worried about?! Step on the scale and I was down 1.6 lbs! 87.2 lbs lost and gone FOREVER! Yay!

9 months ago, I was wearing a size 32 jean and a 5X. I am now wearing a 1X or 2X and an 18 / 20. I have clothes that I kept from grade 8 that I can now wear again and other things I had kept that are too big now. When did that happen?! LOL Greatest feeling is when my clothes start to get too big. I can't wait to see what size I am in when I am finally at my goal although, that is not something I am going to focus on. As long as it fits and I feel good in it, I will be happy.

What else feels good? Being able to sit in a booth at a restaurant and not have my stomach on the table. Being able to sit behind the wheel of our car and not have my stomach touch the steering wheel. Going into a clothing store and not having to worry that I won't be able to find something that fits because I am too big for everything. My shoes are starting to get too big. I get an actual hungry feeling when I am hungry and I stop eating before I am full. I have more energy. I exercise more to the point where when I don't, I actually miss it.

What are you feeling good about?

Goals for 2010

At my meeting on the 30th of December, the leader had us start thinking about goals we were wanting to achieve during a 10 week challenge.
I then joined a 7 week challenge with Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans and as part of the challenge, you were to share your goals for the challenge.

So, after a lot of thought, I found the goals I wanted to challenge myself with.
1. Lose the remaining 15 lbs to reach 100 lbs lost (and then 2 lbs to reach Onederland finally!)
2. Track more carefully at least 5 days a week.
3. Exercise more consistently at least 5 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes.

And while the following aren't really goals, I thought I would give them a go as a means of support.

1. Be a positive influence on others (my husband included) to make more habits healthy.
2. Seek out more positive support and limit saboteurs.
3. Feel good in what I have accomplished already, continuing to my goal weight and remembering I am not going to find those lost pounds again! I WILL do this! And only I can hold myself accountable!

As a reward for accomplishing my goals, I am going to give myself a non-food reward. (Amazing how a lot of times we DO reward ourselves with food, often at a nice restaurant) I am going to reward myself with a new hairdo / colour / birthday plans since my birthday is at the end of the 10 weeks.

In reading some other blogs, I have come across a couple of ideas I am going to implement to help me achieve my goals. Meal planning (then I already know what points are used for what meals and how many points are left over without too much worry) and charting (kinda like a chore chart) when goals are reached so I can have a visual reminders of what I have accomplished.

I just hope I haven't placed my goals so high that I don't achieve them!

The Beginning of the Middle of My Journey

What can I say.... I finally broke down and started a blog about my weight loss. I really should have started it when I started my journey but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think things would go as well as they have.

April 8 2009 was my official start day with Weight Watchers What was I thinking?! The weekend after my start date was Easter. How would I expect to be able to learn the program that close to a holiday?! Had I doomed myself before I even started?!

Well, d-day came and I had lost 3.8 lbs! I guess I did everything by the book! I continued to do everything I learned and the following week I lost 6.6 lbs and the week after that was my largest loss of 7.6 lbs in one week. And those kind of loses only continued for me.

I reached 25 lbs lost at week 8. Week 9 I reached my 10% goal. Week 15 I had reached 50 lbs lost.
Every time I tell someone how much I have lost in the amount of time I have, they always ask what I am doing. Nothing special I always say. Following the Weight Watchers program and added in exercise, something that was definitely lacking before.

I am now finding the support I had previously is gone. One friend is now lifetime and doesn't go to meetings anymore (other than her once a month weigh in) and the other friend quit. Honestly, the latter friend didn't have her heart into it anyhow. She struggled every step of the way and from what I understand, she gained all of the weight she had lost (30 lbs) over Christmas. So really, she wasn't support at all other than encouragement as much as a friend could do.

So here I am. A new year has begun and EVERYONE is on the weight loss bandwagon. I just hope I am able to find someone else that is determined to finish their journey so we can be of support to each other to the end. I still have a ways to go till I do hit my goal and hope I can find the support do I don't get frustrated and just quit. I have come too far for that!